|
A person next to me just started talking to me. Starting saying something about her eyes. I don't recall. Sitting quietly and smiling. I listened. She needed to say something. I can suppose she doesn't have a good listener to hear her voice.
A few minutes before this in the same seat next to me another person sat next to me. A freindly face I made a few comments he just smiled and a few words of confirmation went back to his computer - lost in his own world.
This person now just goes on with not much assistance from me. After a whil thanked me for listening. She told me of how she doesn't have insurance, spent thousands of dollars for her eyes, a little about her family probably more than most people would say.
I suppose some people just need a good listener once in a while in their lives and when we don't get it. Find it in others. Food, water - gravings of the body. Just simply listening needed for the soul. I see a couple close to me - she is giggling as he smile back at her. Each soul as happy as the other - kissing and touching. Is company what we all grave?
Interesting how in some circles of religion they call this fellowship - a structured way of companionship, marriage another institution - a person that committs to stick to you through thick and think the purpose mostly to have children, Friendship as needed basis of companionship.
I think we all need it and grave it. If we don't we urn for it. |
|
There is a show on tv that is called Heroes
Power that ordinary people found that they have.
They first discover it by accident then some use it for good and other get even it seems in future episodes.
If you had these super powers would you tell anyone? |
|
flowers sometimes grow
sometimes they wither away
we don't know why too much sun, not enough water, soil not right but we try
relationships we never know what they need - try as we might some wither away - too much of some thing - not enough of others?
sometimes we never know |
|
It was funny when, someone had made a comment to me "You just live in your own world."
I looked back puzzled and replied "What you want me to live in your world."
I thought that was an odd comment to me. |
|
I was listening today about a politician don't recall which state or anything but heard about a reporter asking him a question. Something to the fact that if this he had any Jewish ancestry and when had they converted out of this religion. The other reporters you can heard this booed this question. The politician reportedly got upset and replied in effect that this is a free country and this is irrelavent question and got very upset.
Apparently this politician did not even know the answer. Later on in the radio broadcast, he had asked his mother recently and it was confirmed there was some people in the family that were Jewish but he apprently never knew it.
So here is my suggestion to all those out there doing ancestry work and want to save money. Run as a politican and people will do the work for you and find out where you were born, all your history, your ancestry lineage and everything about you. Hey, if you win great you can suggest a law to make ancestry as a pork project if you do not win at least you got all the reporters and poeple on the Internet doing the work for you and finding your ancetry lineage.
Why not run for office, do you think you can do any better? |
| » Day in Chicago - Rice Popcorn |
|---|
I stayed home mostly yesterday. Nice weather but wanted to relax and catch up on some work. The clutter in my place still overwhelms me but sometimes I feel I can overcome it and vision my self like the master, like a conquerer I can control it. I then sit back and in my mind plan my action my moves then I know I've done my work, but then it all just sits there again for the next day for my mind to conquer and to plan. Nice game but for me it's a conquest to fight daily.
I was working at home and kinda hungry so I pulled in a pizza from the freezer and put it in the oven. Stuff all around the place. I recall recently my sister saying she was going to visit and I said sure, but then I said I don't know where you're going to sleep I don't have any bed in the bedrooms. I need to get one. She reminded me that once I had mentioned a while ago... well a long time ago that I have a king sized bed in the living room. I said oh yeah I forgot.
Now I was thinking to myself that I pass the living room each and every time I come in the house from the front door to the kitchen and the King sized bed is standing against the wall. How can I miss it? The white elephant sometimes. We always miss we sometimes need someone to remind us about it. A freind sometimes to say hey... what are you doing. Like one of my freinds. A mirror to my soul as they say.
I put the pizza in the stove and moved the plastic container of rice to the side to turn on the temperature and timer on the stove. I went back to my table in the other side of the room to work on my computer. In a few minutes I head a rattle rattle rattle coming. I swear it sounded like the firesticks that the Native Americans made - maybe it was the rain. No it wasn't. I LOOKED AT THE STOVE. Black smoke coming out and the smell of popcorn. I was like whoah, cool but had to take action.
I quickly pulled the plastic continer of rice out of way that now had a hole in it because apparetly when I had moved it - I had put it directly on the vent of the stove and the heat melted the plastic continue and more than half of the about gallon sized container of rice felling directly in the stove and pizza.
I had a fan to circulate the air. Pizza not cooked yet but not bad with uncooked rice on top of it.
As I look now from over the weekend, the pizza is gone I ate it all even with it being undercooked and with uncooked rice in it, wonder if that's why I had a stomach ache. There are small piles of rice on top of the stove, in the stove, on the counter top, burned rice in the sink, in the drainer that I tried ti pour the rice in. Well at least the plastic continue with the hole and some of the remaining rice is in the garbage can.
Wonder how long the garbage can is going to sit there before my mind conquers that.
Aug. 28th, 2006 @ 09:40 am
|
| » Day in Chicago - My BUTT - Dont do CRACK Seriously Don't !!!! |
|---|
Another story from a Day in Chicago series.
Today I went to downtown Chicago had some work to do. I couldn't not finish the project and had to leave early. I walked down the street and passed this very attractive lady glance at her and was in awe by her beauty. I did not want to be rude and bother her or just smile as I usually do just smile and walk away, thinking that she was just out for a walk and just wanted to be left alone. I glance and had a vision of her hoping to carry her beauty with me for the rest of the day.
I called my friend and said "let's do lunch" I continued to walk and waited for my friend and as usual she asked "What do you wanna do" and my standard reply is "I don't know what do you want to do" with a smile and this would go on back and forth few times. Hey it's funny. Try it sometime. :)
We went to a restaurant a pseudo-french like restaurant on Michigan Ave in Chicago. We were sitting under a large umbrella circular bench like table with folding chairs fenced off with rails. Kinda nice. Close to the Gargoyles towers that spout out water. Kinda nice. My friend offered and said it was her turn to get lunch so I got a salad something new for me. We sat down and I would glance at the activities around me. Poeple walking around me. A few ladies walked with their luggage and a smart alec guy loudly said "Give the ladies way let them go by! They are in a hurry" A flirtatious remark I think. My friend spoke more and I know I don't recall what it was but always nice to listen to her talk. A double decker bus passed by and she remarked that once she took it and it was misty and I replied musta been a memorial day to recall that.
Then I saw it and gasped. I must have said it loud enough for the two ladies in front of us who did what they did.. I think heard. My freind turned around and said "What!" OMG it was hideious. This lady with a big butt. Hey like any guy I like butts. I'm not weird big butts are good but this butt walk ugly. Just thinking about it makes me shiver brrrr and squirem my eyes shut. But yes folks I saw it. This lady not bad looking turn around squated down and her pants came down a tad to shoe her but crack. Yes I saw her crack. While eating. ewwwwwww. Her but cheeks like cracks on each side like you know the kind, varicose veins on a leg, but this was on the butt. I told this to my freind who was sitting next to me later on and she even shivered. brrrrr. Not only did she not stop but she continued to look at me. I tried not to look but she continued to get on the squatting position and kept looking at me - humorously. Why on God's green earth would someone torture someone else like this!!!!
I gasped again my freind looked I said don't!! Trust me you don't want to see it but she did too late.
Thank goodness I just had salad but I could feel the food come up from my stomach. brrrr shiving again. Now that I think about it. Maybe I should have said something to the attractive lady earlier in the morning and smiled at her. Seized the moment and talking to her and going another direction in my day, but I didn't I just moved on and the day pass by and this is what I received.
Next time I wonder if I would see some beauty and if I could have the courage to say. Hi.. your beauty is making my day. Can I just look at you for a moment and I do and hope it would put a smile on their face and either we chat more or I just walk away. Making both of our days a better bright day.
I just wonder sometimes. The decisions we make in our lives the paths we take lead us.
Aug. 24th, 2006 @ 04:38 pm
|
| » can one die while living? |
|---|
I recall watchinga movie and someone said "He's dieing" but he was still alive.
Still breathing, moving, talking. I recall hearing from a show that Bob Dylan said if you are not living you're dieing and another quote that from the time you are born you are dieing.
Think about it. The moment you are born envitably you are dieing, you body is degenerating heart is pumping, cells completed after born grown and eventually will mature and die. A slow process but at this moment you are dieing and so am I.
But the person in their quote "Death Bed" maybe dieing quote faster parts of the body degernating, bleeding and such but still alive not well but alive.
So think about this is it at some magically point that if we know we are going to die that we are dieing no not really. If I know I will jump off a building in 5 min and know I will die does that mean I am dieing, of course not. I'm fully alive now.
Maybe it's if parts of my body deteorating or bleeding that I'm dieing no not really. If I cut myself. Doesn't mean I'm dieing even if I bleed for a long time. If I have blood fluid going back in. I maybe get dizzy but not dieing.
What if everything collapse at the same time am I dieing? I can argue that I'm still alive bodily functions not working properly but at the last moment maybe through the miracles of medicine fix em up and continue life as coma but still be alive.
Are people in comas alive one can argue not but they are not dieing. Just not alive.
So I argue. "He is dieing" makes absolutely not sense.
YOU ARE EITHER ALIVE OR DEAD. One can not be dieing if you accept that in a death bed as "He is dieing" then we are all dieing from the moment of conception inevitably we are all dieing from that moment.
Aug. 16th, 2006 @ 12:01 am
|
| » I was |
|---|
whilst I am a shadow,
walking through life
behind people's bodies like a shadow in the night
in light I disappear but truly there,
only in the darkness I show my glare.
I enter the body then the mind,
in the darkness as you all know;
following threw the eyes and fear will follow,
entering and deceiving a moment of shiver and fear.
Who am I, who is this -
you may ask alone in the night;
I am yourself be not afraid,
only the darkness in your heart you may fear and partake.
you are only afriad of yourself if you beleive so
close your eyes, the darkness exists but know
it's only you - you must fear
for fear is an illusion created by yours truly :)
Jun. 14th, 2006 @ 01:06 am
|
| » funny thing I heard at the airport the other day |
|---|
I just returned from a flight from DC yesterday and saw my sister and baby neice and family.
while talking to a young lady who I was chatting with at the airport
I asked
What do you do?
She replied "I put bombs on airplanes"
I said oh... while she look around nervously and said hopoe nobody heard me
then I replied where do you work?
She said I hope I did mention I worked for the Navy and that's my job :)
Hey some things have a place and time
May. 24th, 2006 @ 10:30 pm
|
| » hidden |
|---|
Don't tell this person, don't tell that person
hide it from her - don't show him
fascades we create for others - facades we create for ourselves
sometimes to deal with life - sometimes to deal with others
politeness an everday useful fascade - beging polite to the ones we don't know or don't care to know
fascades towards family sometimes useful - sometimes destructive
is it useful - does it hinder us from helping each other
fascades, the imaginary walls and closes doors we go around - at times we can not distinquish reality from the fascades and when the fascades come crumbling down - like the social norms such as racism, sexism and other ism we ask ourselves why didn't anyone notice the white elephant in the room?
do we need fascades? if they looks good as in an ornament on a building I can see the use
but when they are use to ignore problems definantly not
how does one deal with these - are they like rumors - he said, she said?
is it better to wait until they are ready to reveal their truth?
May. 14th, 2006 @ 12:42 pm
|
| » unfaithful bus trip |
|---|
I took the regular bus trip on my way home today.
I saw the bus was crowded and walked to the back.
On either side of the bus a pair of seats and in the back of the bus a bench of 5 seats.
I noticed that on each side a person was sitting and next to each a white bag. So nicely put there so nobody will sit next to them. The only seat in the middle I sat there.
comfortable sitting there as I see people walking in and standing. A white shabby looking guy on my left says something but I didn't really hear him, I smiled and said yes and looked away.
Thinking he's weird and he said something again. Then I realized he said you're sat on my food. I was thinking to myself "hey bud if you didn't want someone to sit on it you should not have left it on the seat." I again looked at him and smile and said yes. He again talked out loud and said
"You should apologize you sat on my food" I replied "yes ok"
You know when someone wants to be acknowledge like a small child you don't say anything and ignore them. The child will be louder and louder. This is what he did. This went on again and I smile once again and said "ok" This time he said I'll Beat you up you M--f--er !*#@! a few explicitives.
I looked toward the front of the bus whild many people from standing and with the loudest voice I could muster yelled
"THIS GUYS IS THREATENING ME CALL THE BUS DRIVE THIS GUY IS THREATENING ME CALL THE BUS DRIVER!!!!!"
Every just sat there like they are ignoring me.
The guys said I'm not threatening you. I looked at him and smiled. Again he said something.
I again yelled "He's threatening me call the bus driver BUS DRIVER!!!" Nobody did anything just sitting staring at me ignoring me and the situation.
He offered to give me his cell phone to call the police he was aggitated but I looked physically calm.
He stood up and said "luck you I need to get out of the bus!"
I wondered a few things. If one was scared and looked around they would say taking the bus is not safe. A larger sense the City of Chicago is not safe. in a larger sense the world is getting to be a more dangerous place. I should not take the bus.
I recall once my mother telling me a story of her when she was in the US the first few years she would take the bus and train all the way from her north side apartment alone to downtown alone and at night time with bags of purchased take the bus home.
Take you she did not know how to speak English very well and once she asked the bus driver to stop at Hutchinton and the bus was on Hutchinton there was no stop called Hutchinton the bus driver replied what's the cross street but she didnt understand and said thank you a few times and sat down and again would ask for the same stop again the bus driver replied and my mother would not understand. She looked out in the rain and recognized the building and ran out in the rain with her luggage and the bus driver chasing after her that what she says. A nice story that I recall from her.
Once she said on her trips a black man sat next to her and she had no forms or prejudice or racism in her at this time being new to Chicago to the US. She told me the story of the man taking a knife and pointing it to her and she sat up and went to the bus driver because she did not speak English well she would point to her stomach and say uh uh and point to the guy. The bus driver not understand asked her to sit down again this happened but the bus driver apparently from the rear view mirror saw the knife and kicked the guy out of the bus. My mother tells me that from that point on she was hesitant to go out at night to go on long trips alone of black people. One incident effect her for the rest of her life.
I saw this guy and thought is this shabby looing drunkened obnoxious soul going to hinder me from taking the bus sterotyping the bus system, the city, the US the world?
or just wonder take it for what it was a sad lonely young sad man needing attention like a child, some repect of saying "hey I"m sorry for sitting on your food"
but hey I was pissed offeneded and found out after he left from asking the people around me. What happened here they said just before I was there he had bother a young child kicking him and harrasing someone else. Me I can handle it but a child I didnt like it
I came home kinda shaken and call the bus system and gave the bus number 6178 time 655 pm April 26, 2006 where we sat what happened and the phone attentent at the cta said I'll tell my boss.
I wonder if I made any difference? The right thing?
Wonder if I'll see him again? Wonder if I should bus on a disquise. Wonder if I should care and give it another thought.
Apr. 26th, 2006 @ 08:59 pm
|
| » why is it |
|---|
Why is that that sometimes that some people come into our lives
leave delicate memories - a laugh a smile, sharing thoughts
then vanish
leaving an emptiness - longing for
that may last for years
and other people
just won't leave ya alone
an bug ya nagging and nagging constantly :)
just wondering why
Mar. 25th, 2006 @ 11:39 am
|
| » sometimes |
|---|
"I hear a breath from a distance
not knowing who it's from
I stay still and do not look back
Who is it from?
I ponder the thought
I wait, wondering
Sometimes, just sometimes
it's the answer we seek
the one we really don’t want to know
Looking back I see, knowing
feeling something else
understanding, yet not
Mixed up - I am not ready
I want to look away
do not wish to understand
I look
and all my senses come together
what I see, feel, think
Ahhh, now I understand
complex at once
but now so simple
Contentment, life is good
life goes on...
peace"
Dec. 14th, 2005 @ 01:31 am
|
| » Death visits |
|---|
Memories of the past fade in
words that should have been said
will never can be heard
faces from the past will be imagined
hugs and tears - around whispers of words
will linger in the air of the past
another day will pass - another memory will fade
until it become a fading glimmer in a distance
but for now it's pain and hurt that linger
what can be said to the living
before its too late?
Inevidably time passes
death comes knocking at the door
as tears run down
Dec. 5th, 2005 @ 02:10 am
|
| » cooold |
|---|
man it's cold.....
Dec. 4th, 2005 @ 06:35 pm
|
| » Day in Chicago - A thought and a smile Oct 14, 2005 |
|---|
I had a fleeting thought today, it made me grin
Looking at someone, it made her smile
she turned around and it made her laugh
people around her curiously joined in
looking around, I felt joy, happiness and laughter all around me
all started with a simple thought
and funny thing is
I forgot what the thought was
Thoughts sure are powerful
Oct. 14th, 2005 @ 11:25 pm
|
| » Day in Chicago |
|---|
I walked up the stairs today and knocked on the door. I am not sure now that I reflect on it, what it was. Was it really her beauty or was it me how I looked at her but I was momentarily mesmorized. I was speechless and just could only stare and smile. I coughed, trying to catch my composure and not act nervous then just spoke probably with a silly smile on my face.
It's interesting how sometimes we get caught up in the moment and just find something that is pleasing to us not really understanding why just our emotions play tricks on us and we just feel good about it. I see it like the icing on the cake. When we sneak up on it and when nobody is looking just swipe the bottom and look around left and right to make sure nobody is there and take a swipe and sneak in just a peice of the icing. Like thies person just looking at her and feeling good.
I wonder if one bought a can of the icing and took a scoope of the icing and ate it. Bet it would taste good. After a few scoops and taste of it, it may taste sugary and after a few more, hmmm, may not even taste as good and loose it's luster. The icing seem to be nice sometimes but not always. It's not the metphoric meat and potatoe that keeps us going every day. Some people are nice and make us feel good and I wonder if they have that meat and potatoes in them to be that real. Would be nice but wonder how many times can that moment be captured and always have that feeling elation? Swiping the icing off the cake. How many times does it make one feel good?
I knew a friend who commented that she wanted to be the like the girl in the song "short skirt, long black jacket". I thought to myself, Why? You're such a nice girl and perfect in my eyes. Why do you need that?
Now I think maybe we need a little fluff, intrique, suddle fun a kind of a diversion like the icing on the cake. Too much of the metaphoric meat and potatoes sure makes eating dull.
On the other hand, I also recall someone else who alway was the center of attention when she grew up she always seemed to want to want to be the center of attention when she grew up. Sometime this is like having too much of a good thing. Just a tad too much, in my opinion. Chasing after the flavor of the icing and loosing it's luster and tasting yucky.
Balance again seems to be rining in my ears. Balance. Having the real stuff and a little of illusion to give it some spice.
Oct. 12th, 2005 @ 11:27 pm
|
| » The day passes but my pain holds me back |
|---|
I glance up and see the parade pass me by
but then look down at my scar and can not join them
I could hear the childen play in the park as I pass them by
and only feel my pain in my back and I do not play with them
I could feel the love of people around me but convince myself it's not real
feeling my head giving me an ache and move away and do not look back
I could feel my tears fall down my cheeks
and wonder what happened to my life and could only feel the pain
my body ages and grows older and now the pain is gone and I wonder what did I do?
feeling the sadness from within and not feeling the joy nevermore
now my memories are in my past and I only see the past joys but now I am alone
only my memories keeping me going on from the joys and memories of the past
What did I do? What did I choose in my past that I have lost myself -I know when I reflect I miss it
but I bet I will never know how much I have lost but only it all
I have lost much to much to bear to know much I lost - I do not fully look back
Alone I sit and wonder more what I did I do? My face clapsed in both of my opens hands, moaning
I wonder what can I do, how I can move on. I do not know
No more pain - just emptiness now, which I wonder is worse?
Pain can be fought, now I know how, but emptiness is much harder to fight.
Oct. 4th, 2005 @ 05:00 pm
|
| » Day in Chicago |
|---|
Strangest thing that happened to me today.
I was driving home. I was talking to my sister and brother in law on my cell phone. I pulled to the side because an ambulance was moving toward me with it's light flashing, then a fire truck then after that a police car. I was like man this is very strange. I told my brother in law, "This is weird". Kinda surreal. After a while driving down the street, I saw the car accident probably the cause of why the emergency vehicles were moving the other direction probably toward the hospital. I notice two cars minor fender bender. I glance to my left inbetween the cars and was shocked to see a car in an angle on the side of the garage. Imagine this, the car to be in that side of the garage wall had to have rotated 90 degress because of the accident from the road, jumped the curb and land a few feet up to land in that angle in the side of the garage. The car was completed in the garage! I could see the back tail light. Very very strange. As I drove by I could see the cars backed up for a few blocks.
I kept on driving down the street toward home and thought of the accident. I was about to make a turn going left and go home, but I had a craving for ice cream. I just had gone to the grocery store a few minutes ago and looked for some ice cream but was surprised how expensive the ice cream was. I decided not to purchase it from there. Now I could turn left and go home but I quickly turned right and remembered a Baskin Robbins on my right up the street. I drove in the back parking lot and parked.
I went in the store and there was a couple ordering some donuts. This place is kinda nice. Baskin Robins ice cream and Dunkin Donuts all in the same place. Kind of a mini-heaven if you ask me =).
I saw the guy and he said wait a minute. He continued to help the couple he came back and I said 2 quarts he just gave me the keys to the locked freezer. I was like hmm strange. How nice though I could get my ice cream. I took the key and opened the freezer that contained the two quarts. Good deal $7 for 2 quarts can't beat that. I opened the freezer with the key. Took two quarts out Peanut Butter Chocolate and Pecan. My favorite two. I locked the freezer and asked how much. He said $7.36. I left the key on the counter and the money and said thanks.
I took it and walked out. The couple that he was helping looked and me and him. He was still making stuff for them. I said thanks and walked out but stilled looked back at the money I left him to make sure it was there. The coupld looked at me walking out and the money on the table. I wonder if he really realized what I did or trusted me or just didn't really care. That I left him the money. A part of me was waiting for him to run out and chase after me and say "Hey weres my money!" But he didn't. I wonder if there were camers recording what I did. Leaving him money. Wonder if it mattered for $7.36. As I drove around I looked through the windows around the store and the couple was still standing there. The guy was still making ice cream for them. I presume the money was still there. I turned left when the light turned green and headed home.
Very weird. How can someone the store worker, who doesn't know me, give a customer the keys? Tell me how much it is and stuff like that and trust a stranger. A big city like Chicago. Wonder if this is a small town? I haven't been in that place in years. Wonder if he knows me? Probably definantly not.
Very strange. Did this happen or what? My imagination? Hey musta happened I have the Peanut Butter Chocolate and Peacan ice cream quarts :)
Now that I recall I wonder if this guy is related to the guy that I met at the gas station a while back? Probably not. Very Strange.
Oct. 2nd, 2005 @ 12:15 am
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
rsattar's journal